Screwing Up 101

I might not be the most affable personality to have walked the surface of this earth. I have a certain streak which seems to consistently piss off people intentionally or unintentionally both. The consequence of this aforementioned streak being the radially outward movement of people when I am the epicenter of a focused intellectual or non-intellectual (mostly the latter) conversation. I have been trying to work this piece of charm on the to-be missus also, but without much luck. That is, until the last Tuesday and this Tuesday.

Tuesday 21^st March

The missus and I were holding a stable, mature conversation over the cell phone and everything was going fine. Just a word of introduction would be in order here. The missus is the most affable personality to have walked the surface of this earth (and probably some other surfaces also – I am quite sure she doesn’t belong to this world. You know, I’ve told this to her many times and though she doesn’t agree, she doesn’t quite disagree as well – thus making me believe in this theory of mine. But, I digress). And that’s when the streak decided to play up. The neurons conjured up an innocuous looking question and sent the signal to trap called mouth

Me: What’s your age ?

She: N (haha, I’m not going to disclose)

Me: What’s N-6 ?

She:

She:

Me: 

The next 1 hour was devoted to the environment and nature. Lots of plants in the garden where she was sitting and conversing with me were adequately hydrated (though a bit salinated I suppose). The water table levels also showed up a drastic increase. I am hoping there would be lesser water shortage now. Unconfirmed sources said that the water department constituted an enquiry into the sudden surge of water table levels and also to determine whether this model could be replicateable across other parts of the state where there’s a drought. At this point, I realize that I have been rambling and need to get back to the tale now.

After the said 1 hour, the temperatures kind of came down to the normal and day to day operations were resumed.

Man – whoever knew a simple mathematical question could raise a storm.

Tuesday 28^st March

The missus has a very lovely voice. She’s a listener’s delight. Truth be told most of the times I am just listening to the sound of her voice and not to what she is speaking. And I think she already knows that so I am not in much of a danger there. The said voice is also highly spoken of and acknowledged in her family circles and is an equal delight to one and all. She also has this innate ability to imitate certain furry animals at times – unintentionally though. I think.

That’s why when the conversation began with a distinctive bark, instead of the usual mellifluous song, I was a bit taken aback. I guess that should have been my cue to understand that today was going to be different. I keep doing things that might not be strictly seen as sane, and I attribute these things as part of my said personality. The missus had a bone to pick with me regarding something silly I had done on the weekend.

She: I want to scold you for that weekend thing

Me: Haan.. to chalu karo

She: 

Me: 

For some reason, my next seat neighbor in the bus had started sweating. I looked at him.

Him: Too warm today.

Me: Tell me about it !

She: 

Finally, she was gracious enough to forgive me and move on to the next topic. Calm was restored. Sweating had stopped everywhere. But not for long. I don’t recall how I managed to do it again – the streak did it – but the passionfire was rekindled.

She:   (Really, I think I missed some of her argument points listening to her voice.)

Me:  blah blah (I am sure she would have wanted to miss my braying as well, for an altogether different reason though, but totally agreeable).

All I remember are melody … melody … blah blah … bankrupt … cot … bed … melody ... more melody … middle class … blah blah ... melody ... more melody. I can’t seem to coherently remember much. I had got down from the bus by then. Just in time I guess as the bus seemed to be overheating and the driver was not able to figure out the reason. There were also news reports that some glaciers in the Arctic region had melted down and the sea-water levels were increasing. Not to forget, the garden was again at the receiving end of a lot of mineralized hydration. People might mistake some blooming flowers as a result of Spring, but we know better.

Last heard – the polar ice caps were still in the state of melting and were not showing any signs of holding up. Anyways, after a 2/2 hit ratio of Tuesdays, thinking of starting a crash course on Screwing up 101. Takers anybody ?