The time has finally come for me to dawn upon myself certain things. Life is not as simple and easy as I want to believe it is. From being a pessimist, I've tried to move to the other end of the spectrum - I tried optimism. And it worked nice for me. At least so far, and I don't see reasons why it won't or shouldn't continue. It is indeed very good to be optimistic about life and things in life. However, there are certain issues in which we must learn to draw the line between optimism and over-optimism. Does optimism lead to an attitudinal change? Does it affect the behaviour? Does it affect the psyche of the person practising it? Can optimism really be overdone? If yes, how and what is the effect on the person? How do you know when is it overdone? What would you do to get back to the "right" level? Is there an equilibrium level of optimism? I 've reached the point in life where I need to find the answers to the above questions, which are some of the huge barrage of questions that have crossed my mind lately.
I wasn't the Me that i am today, a few years ago. I was very much a reserved, shy and an introvert person by nature. Somewhere in the final year of engineering, I decided to shed this skin and get a new one. This change was attitudinal. Earlier when the blame of everything wrong, I would take on myself, it made everyone around me uncomfortable, including me. That was history now though. I was happier, talking more to people in general, and to the fairer sex, more in particular. I felt confident. I felt superior to my previous self. And then some months down the line, I started my professional career. It did nothing but give a boost to my high spirits, my confidence, my attitude, my optimism. Never felt better. It would be about 4 years before I would write this.
The new skin was fitting nice and fine, and I was having a good time. Somewhere down the line, as I interacted more and saw people talking, I noticed one thing that makes u tick and get noticed. Good Humour. Humour can be the ice breaker and helps forge new relations. Now, I am not particularly a humourous person by nature. The Funny Bone is not all that active. Not sure, if that can be made any funnier than it already is, but I had ideas. A good percent of humour, as I observed, came from healthy satire & sarcasm. That sorts which doesn't hurt or harm anyone, but is nevertheless enjoyed by the company. And so I imbibed this art too. The great art of Healthy Satire & Sarcasm. And it seemed to work indeed !!
However, only so long as that adjective qualifying Satire & Sarcasm was in place. Satire is a dangerous edge to trudge upon. You 've to be careful enough to notice the line differentiating healthy and 'un'healthy satire, which I'll learn the hard way. There were signs. As it grew unhealthy, and as it hurt some close friends. I would not notice them though until after very long. I couldn't put in place, as to what actually hurt, in what I'd just remarked. I always considered my 'remarks' to be plain and simple. Mainly so because I was in a group of people who were far more bitter in their satire, and all of which was taken in stride by all of us. We were kind of used to it and nobody minded. Little did I realize that different people have different capacities for satire. My language didn't change much. Not any sooner. A close friend said more than once about my tone, which was not on the admirable side. I didn't bother much then. As, had i nipped it in the bud then and there, I wouldn't have been writing this piece here.
My associations with people never was for a very long time. Most of them were professional by nature. Of friends, I have only few friends, and all are quite close to me. There's no problems getting along with them with this language. With family, I was always careful not to use this 'satire' of mine. So I could see no reason why I should change myself. My renewed self. This self, which has helping me get on with people well. Or was I ? I should have asked this question to myself quite some time ago now. I should have done a self-introspection long back. However, I didn't do any and got going with the same 'self'. I couldn't see any real potential problem.
Not one till I joined my post grad course. I made some new friends here, quite quickly considering my previous track record. Now, nobody goes full throttle into humour and satire from day 1, neither did I. Some humour here, some pjs there, some wise ones, some one-liners.. and I was on my way. Way to? Well.. Realizations ! As I got closer to some, I increased the dosage of sarcasm, unbeknownst to me as always. Not everyone tolerates as you do. This would dawn upon me very late in this episode. And why tolerate, nobody is getting paid for it. I still personally saw nothing harmful in whatever I said. Though, now I feel, I should've empathised and tried to understand. I never did that. And the whole first year passed by.
Not without a few altercations though. Most of them came towards the end of the first year. And I felt it was just the pressure, the rigour taking its toll. It indeed wasn't. On occasions I was told, politely enough, to cut down on my satire. I listened, gave a thought, thought would do something, but never quite did much on it. It pained at times to know that you are the cause of discomfort and pain to someone close to you. I still had to figure out the remedy. But remedy is to a problem. So what exactly is my problem? How do I understand that? Is my satire my problem? Is the sarcasm getting worse by the day? How do I bring about the equilibrium - I like this word, makes it sound like physics, which ironically, I don't like very much !
It would be in the first 10 15 days into our second year, that I would really give it a thought. Hardly 10 days and I already had lost my mood on several occasions. This had to do with my inherent 'quality' of getting upset on matters of zilch importance. This is a different, but pertinent issue on which I would be writing soon. My friends here thought they were the reason. Little would they know about my qualities ! Again, with such a mood, I tend to talk really bad. And I very well understand it and avoid speaking.
One fine day (rather.. a not so fine day), I had again crossed my limits on sarcasm, and was again reminded. It happened twice or thrice and coupled with my qualities, there were very few days when I was talking at all. It all started feeling very bad to me. I decided now was the time. To make the amends. Long awaited corrections. Everything goes for a correction - including the stock markets, which incidentally have bounced back out of the correction season last 2 3 days and up 111 points. Not digressing any further, I said to myself, take a break. Restore back to the equilibrium. And how? Well, for one to start with, I'd talk. No cutting down on talking. Next, Less of humour, and the jokes, satire wouldn't be personal. Now thats what hurts isn't that?
The next and the most difficult of the 'corrections' to make to restore the 'equilibrium' is an attitudinal change (I'm going philosophical it seems). A change, significant enough, to make me bother not (or less) about the trivial things in life. Be happy over small things. Worry not over nothings. This is not just another decision made. But a D E C I S I O N made. I have all the intentions to work towards this aim.
Well, thats just some problems laid to rest. Now that the can of worms has been opened, lot more would surface. So.. I m not bothered. Bring 'em on. Life's too good to worry about.. well .. about anything. Lets see how long can I carry this avatar successfully. Will be back on updates soon on this. Till then, don't worry .. Be Happy !! Always :-)
